Okay so we all know that when we first get to college not all people find their best friends or soul mates. This is not Pitch Perfect or some Clueless movie that we all just happen to live in. Oh, and forget those stories about finding your best friends at college your first year there, I think you should wait a little after freshmen year to see who is really behind you. I did not come here to discourage you on friends in college I have just been dealing with roommate issues and learning which strategies are the best for me and actually give you tips on how to stay focused, away from drama, and actually make quality friends.
1. Try to Communicate your feelings first.
I know this is what everyone says and sounds so cliche but it would really help if you are honest with the people you live with. Remember you are and will be around them a lot so try to be honest with your feelings. Even if you are experiencing difficulties try to talk it out first besides they might not know how you really feel inside.
2. Write it out first.
I'm no counselor but when someone gave me this advice I really liked it. It really helped me decide what I was going to say and express to my suitemate. It also helps me remember things in detail so I do not leave anything out. Writing out your feelings also lets out the pent up pressure that you are feeling inside.
3. If you see drama began to back off
One of the main things I always notice and watch out for is drama. I am a drama free person. I really do not like being around drama. When I notice that so-and-so and talking about someone else I know in the back of my mind they either are already talking about me or I'm next. This is an old saying that I am sure most people have heard from their mother, "If they are talking trash about her, then they will do the same to you." When I say I don't like drama I really mean it and if you are a person who says that a lot you have to live up to it. If people try to talk about you or are constantly getting angry at you , you can back off but it would be better to tell them how you feel first then after that back off.
4. Be A Leader
Remember college is about finding YOURSELF so yes it is good to be around the people you hang around, but sometimes give yourself some space. If people think they are hurting you by not asking you to go somewhere with them or hanging out with someone brush that off, and let them know in a kind way that what you are doing does not affect me. The type of personality I have is that if you do not want to be with me cool, because that means I can spend more time alone with God. There are ways you can be completely satisfied without being with so many people. The people that have to constantly be around people are actually the ones that are more lonely. Not all of the time but in some cases. I think sometimes as college students we need to know when it is time to give our roommates or suitemates space because it will really help them.
5. Go to your RA or RD
If all else fails and you still feel like you and your roommate cannot see eye-to-eye anymore than find a mediator like your RA or RD. They are there to help you when you need it so use them. I know it may seem hard at first but they are actually very understanding. This also can help you talk things out without screaming at each other or things spreading all across campus. I think it would be best also if you can to go to them first like as soon as you identify a problem. Sometimes it is hard to know or see where a problem is beginning but if you are having little bumps in the beginning do not hold them in.
6. PRAY
I am a Christian and not afraid of sharing this information. The one thing that I should have stuck with completely was praying consistently. I should have prayed for me and the people I live with and hang around. I thought that maybe I could handle this but then I saw I could not, so I got prayer and now I realize that me building up a wall of trust issues and holding in how I felt all the time has made me lash out and hurt people that I was not trying to hurt. When I prayed and got prayed for, I realized that God wants us to walk in love. No matter what we have to speak in love people might try to hurt you but you have to remember that you are no better than anyone else. I know this is so cliche but kill them with kindness and the love of Jesus that is the only way. When we try to fight our own battles we only end up getting hurt or hurting others. So put it in God hands whether you are Christian or not.
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