Okay so I was kind of inspired by an article written by a Black Woman titled A Black Ass Nightmare: My Four Years at Northwestern on Blackboard Magazine. I know that Trinity for me is not like verbally prejudice or outwardly, but I have faced a little silent things. The students at my campus are more low key about it. And reading other African American student's experiences at Predominantly white colleges and universities; I wonder if that is a good thing or not? Because some Black students have to deal with their dorms being trashed, they have to deal with people saying verbally disrespectful things to them, and even professors asking them to cite their experiences as a Black student. At my school people post anonymous things on this app called "Yik Yak" or when you walked pass certain people you can feel the hateful vibe. Some people get annoyed when you say #blacklivesmatter or talk about why Black women need to be proclaimed as beautiful too. Some people often use the excuse of feeling uncomfortable when the issues of White Privilege come up and why Black Lives Matter. So here goes my diary of my first two years at Trinity Christian College. I also want to thank Natalie Frazier who shared her experience at Northwestern.
Freshman Year
Received the Diversity Scholarship to attend Trinity Christian College and decided to live on campus to get the "full college experience".
Shocked and felt hurt to realize that Trinity was not as diverse as they made it seem.
Quickly became friends with the Black students because that was my comfort zone and honestly I have never really been around white people until college.
I also quickly learned that some black people that were adopted by Caucasian families really did not know anything about black culture. If they did know anything about their culture it was negative.
Everytime my friends and I were hanging out and having fun we often got asked, "Why are Black people so loud?"
We were told being upfront and not passive was seen as "not socially acceptable".
This was the year I began to realize that society believes that it is okay for White women to date Black men, but when a White male dates a Black female there is a problem. I was depressed about that, because I could not understand why Black women were always being slandered.
One of my great friends Fidel had almost the whole campus as his friends. I often wondered why, but then I realized that he was just a great person.
In Black Student Union I was often seen as a "complaining person". When really I thought this was a safe place for me to share my feelings.
I started to see that some Black students that came from suburban areas "did not see color". Which meant that since they had Caucasian friends and did not receive the same treatment as city students that we were just "too focused on skin color".
I got involved with an African Male that made me crazy. He said he admired my beauty, but since he was another insecure Black Male he claimed our relationship could not be public, because "he prefers White Women." - That hurt OUCH
When I did talk to school officials everyone seemed to pretend to care except the Student Activities Director.
On Yik Yak people would write #alllivesmatter under posts about #blacklivesmatter. People would also ask why there aren't any "White History Months" (when clearly there are click here) or maybe they just did not know.
For the first time in my entire Black life I felt invisible as a Black Woman.
Nothing got crazy to the point people were vandalizing our doors or anything and I thank God for that. I learned to love like Dr.King. I learned to love with the agape love. If people dislike you because of your skin color that is their problem. God bless them and keep moving.
Sophomore Year
This was the year I thought I could get over the toxic relationships I had gotten myself into. I thought that if I would approach people nicer they would forget the issue of my skin color and my culture. It helped a bit but honestly it seemed like every time I talked to a Caucasian person it was like we were meeting for the first time again. That made things harder and more awkward.
I still kept the African guy around that hurt me, because honestly I felt like at least he was interested because my Freshman year taught me that most of the Black men on campus were only interested in women that were not Black. Which is not a bad thing it is perfectly fine BUT I do not like it when you slander Black women to make it seem like one woman is better than the other.
Still most days I walked around depressed wondering why I was not good enough for someone the same color as me. I am still dealing with the side effects of that.
This was also the year that some students inboxed me on Facebook because they were upset that I was speaking out about Black women and cultural appropriation. Basically, I talked to them nicely, but I blocked them, because those people cannot shut me up about my culture. I have the freedom of speech and I will not ever be silenced by anyone.
This was the year I made new friends and that learned about Yik Yak and one of them were slandered because she put up facts of Black people during Black History Month. And when she would talk about Black people being murdered and say Black lives matter people would purposely put up All lives matter under her posts.
I learned that Passive aggressive racism exists on my college campus.
I also saw a tweet on Twitter by our next door neighbors saying "I wish the girls next door would shut the f*** up because I am not having it and they can't sing." I was speechless.
Then people put on Yik Yak why are black people so loud and why is Alumni hall so loud at night?
This was the year I gave up on BSU because I no longer understood the purpose on this campus. I mean yes I got that it was supposed to be this "safe" place, but it no longer felt safe to me. I felt judged and misunderstood.
The Black community at my college seemed to fall apart because some people wanted to stop seeing color and another group wanted to educate the White community.
This is just the end of Sophomore year for me. Honestly, I am at the point where I am like there is no use. There is no use trying to educate a group of people that do not want to be educated. And there is no use trying to help certain Black students become "WOKE".
And like Natalie Frazier, this was the year I realized that as an African American student and just as a person that college would not be the best four years of my life. Yes, I would have great memories, but as for best I do not think so. I knew that the great times I had with my strong Black female friends were all that mattered. Our late night talks, crying on each other's shoulders, watching Uptown Girls, dancing at 1 am, and then waking up for an 8 am were all that mattered to me. These were the memories that I would remember. So what if people dislike me because they have stereotypes in their minds? So what if some guy did not like me back his lost. So what if people could not accept me as I am. I think the best part about being a Black woman is that at least I get to stand out. I am not done with college but I am figuring it out. I guess this is me waking up to reality. I thought college would be this great place, but that's not my reality and I am okay with that.
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