The
most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected
person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is
the black woman.
Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/quote/895964 |
First off let me just say, I love interracial couples. I love how
we can look outside of our own racial background, and date despite the evil or
snarky looks we might get from people in the grocery store, or what our parents
might think. I believe that love is love, and you cannot help who you become
attracted to, just like you cannot help who attracts you. I even love the Bronx
Tale about an Italian boy falling for a young African American girl. I have no
problem with interracial couples until it becomes almost like a fetish. Or
until Black men decide that dating any other woman except a Black woman gives
them, "STATUS". I DO have a problem with dating so that your children
can be of a "lighter complexion and have more of the European standards of
beauty". I have a problem when Black male rappers fetishize colorism in
their lyrics and dating life. I have a problem when people only want airbrushed
dark skinned Black women. In this article, I will be focusing on interracial
dating, how Black men present women in the media, and the stereotypes based
around Black Women. There are some stereotypes that really need to be broken
and things that need to be understood in the Black community.
Interracial Dating, Hip Hop Culture & Black
Women, and Racial Preferences
 |
| Instagram Picture from Pro.Black Princess |
This year and last year have been very challenging not only for
me, but for other Black Women as well. For as long as I can remember all I
heard in rap songs is "I like a long haired thick redbone..." (Lil
Wayne's Every Girl). As I have said before I have NEVER had a problem with
interracial couples (I wish I was in one), and I have always been a confident
Brown skinned Black beauty. Yet, there is an ongoing problem going on in the Black
community. Which I think we need to talk about, but most importantly allow God
to help us and manifest within us. I have found it very interesting this past
year how vocal men specifically, Black males, have been about fetishizing women
from different ethnic backgrounds and this ideal of being "foreign".
Recently, I read an article about how Drake among other rappers have been
"reinscribing white beauty through black beauty". This article was in
the Feminist Wire, and was written by an East African
girl herself. A lot of people know Drake as Jimmy from Degrassi, and on the
show was when he was actually in a relationship with a supposedly Ethiopian
girl until he started dating Ashley. In the song "Poetic Justice"
Drake's lyrics are (excuse the language), "Young East African girl, you
too busy F******* with your other man/ I was trying to put you on game, put you
on a plane/ Take you and your mama to the motherland/I could do it, maybe one
day/ When you figure out you're gonna need someone/ When you figure out it's
all right here in the city/ And you don't run from where we come from/Your
natural hair and your soft skin, and your big a** in that sundress (ooh!)/Good
God, what you doing that walk for?/When I see that thing move, I just wish we
would fight less and we would talk more/.". I do not mean to be harsh in
any way, but it does seem as though Black males are just marginalizing East
African women and this only prevents people from accepting other Back women who
do not have the same features as East African women, No this is not an attempt
to attack or pit women against each other, what I am saying is that when
musicians and rappers list character traits then this just shows a fetish. Just
like in Trey Songz song "Foreign" in a way this is not too far from
the ideals of exoticism. It seems as though men are pointing out specific
features women need to have which in actuality is a fetish. A fetish to me is
almost like infatuation which is basically when you admire something so much
that you think it is love when really it is not. This brings up the issue of
acceptable-blackness. East African girls in a way like I discussed before, are
seen as mixed, or European standards in a black woman's body. These stereotypes
really need to be broken and changed when we think about Black beauty. Now, I
am not saying that Black men are the only men that fetishize or attacking them
I am just saying that they do (if they want to) need to start opening up their
horizons when it comes to how they view African American women. I also think
that they may need to stop bringing us down in songs, and how they present us
in videos. My first year in college which was just last year, we were
discussing how women are viewed in the media and somehow black women in rap
videos came up. As I recall, a biracial boy in my class who told me he was half
Black said, "Well I just think that Black women look so nasty in those
videos. But white women when they are in videos they look socially
acceptable." Honestly, that kind of upset me because I could not
understand why Black men or half Black men were seeing us as all of a sudden
the nasty and impure ones when they have been degrading our names for the
longest. Maybe like my mother says it is because we allowed them or maybe it is
because there is some sort of internal hate and the slavery mentality still.
That idea of white innocence and purity and black being impure, unclean, and
nasty. Which even goes way back to slavery when Black women were thought of as
lustful creatures, and used for sexual purposes as well as workers for the
cotton fields. Interracial dating is not new to our society, nor is just having
sexual relations with someone. Most of the time, (just like in 12 Years A
Slave), we only hear about White men raping Black women during slavery, but we
rarely hear about the bored, hurt, and humiliated White plantation wife who in
fact had sexual relations with Black slave men as well. Now once again,
please do not think I am attacking anyone I am just trying to state all fact
and my personal experience. I am not by any means trying to make anyone feel
uncomfortable, but if you do I am sorry but not sorry we need truth. We need
something that is going to help us see how the slave mentality is kind of
damaging us still today. We see the affects of using sex as means of gaining
power. Student Pulse, talks about how rape/and sex were
uses of power during slavery for both White men and women. This kind of relates
to today's culture, but instead for Black men. Some Black men (not all) believe
or have come to the belief that having a "foreign",
"exotic", reinscribed Black beauty through European beauty standards,
somehow gives them power and some sort of status.
This all leads into whether it is a preference or are you dragging
Black women to make yourself look better. This even goes deeper when we look at
how Black men were taught to think of themselves during slavery and Jim Crow
laws. Everyone knows that a man is supposed to be the head of the household. It
even says men are to lead their houses in the bible. According to 18karatreggae during the Jim Crow days young
white teenage boys were able to talk to older black men in a disrespectful
tone. So the older Black male had to basically emasculate themselves, and be
respectful to avoid being lynched. I can relate to how being brought down for
so long can make you believe or think that if you date a woman that is not
Black can bring you up in the social world. I truly can believe why that would
make Black men feel so good, because they are so used to being treated badly.
Money and status does make men feel good, and like I have researched men are
going to want a woman that measures up to the power and status they have
acquired. Many Black men do not see us as the trophy wife not because we are
not beautiful, but because we do have another set of problems. Just like Black
men suffer from the scars from slavery and Jim Crow laws we do too. Just as it
said in 18karatreggae, we are not seen as something to work for. We already do
not have the societal European standards of beauty so that makes it even
harder. There is nothing wrong with dating outside your race/culture or to me
having a preference. The problem is misogynoir. Misogynoir is a combination of
sexism, racism, and gender bias specifically towards Black Women. There are
already a list of stereotypes placed upon us and Everyday Feminism explains each one.
Our bodies are hypersexualized and we are disrespected by both non Black
people and Black men. Misogynoir reminds me about how when I grew up and even
other Black women, I was taught to be a strong black woman. I was raised to
never depend on a man and always be strong. Now that I am 20 I wonder when will
Black women ever get to play the damsel in distress? Will we ever be seen as
Cinderella? I did not realize until now that the "strong Black woman"
stereotype is deadly. A lot of people say, "oh you're strong Makayla and
your mother raised you right," but now I wonder how come I cannot cry. I
know I have the Lord which is who I go to the most when in trouble or in good
times, but some stuff we still need to break. The rappers tell us that we have
to be yellow-or -red boned to get their attention, but what about darker or
mocha colored girls like me? We want to say how much we love Black women but in
all actuality we don't. My mother nor my father never once looked at me and
said, "Makayla you are so beautiful." I do not fault them. My mom
does call me pretty from time to time, but honestly I feel like in the black
community our parents think we just have to figure that out. Self love is 10
times harder for a Black woman. It is hard in general but super hard for us and
I think a lot of times people look over that because we are supposed to be
"strong". Self love is extremely hard and time consuming, when each
and everyday you see the Kardashian-Jenners culturally appropriating our
culture. When you see Black men on campus only dating Caucasian women. And you
sit there with tears in your eyes "wondering what do those women have that
my Black sisters and I don't?". Yes, I am strong, yes I hold my head up high
pray and talk to God about it. But do somedays I desire someone (a male) that
is going to accept me for me? Do somedays I wish that in my classes people
would not look at me with judgements? Do somedays I wish everyone was willing
to date outside their race not just Caucasian females and Black males.
Shouldn't love mean more than just the color of someone's skin? Let's talk
about how these things such as negative racial preferences, misogynoir,
fetishizing, and hip hop culture all have a negative effect on Black women. I
chose something more recent which is about the Lil Kim transformation.
The Results of Negative Effects and Stereotypes
on Black Women
So on April 24th Lil Kim posted a picture on Instagram in which
she looked like -- well lets face it a full blown Caucasian woman. A lot of
people keep wondering what happened to her face and I am just like everyone
come on wake up we all know what happened. Colorism, self hatred, insecurity,
European standards of beauty, and no acceptance from her own race and others. I
find it terribly sad how Lil Kim talks about how her father and other Black men
put her down. I believe this is the true effect of misogynoir, fethizing women
with "good hair", and stereotyping. As I have stated before often
times I have felt like Lil Kim. I always see Black men with Caucasian women
(not always but I guess you see my point!) and wonder the same thing,
"what does she have that I don't?". It hurts me so much to see this
dark chocolate beauty lighten her skin and wear extensions to be something that
makes society happy. I do wear weave, but honestly just to protect my hair as a
protective style. I have never really been afraid of my hair. (Fun fact: I have
been natural my whole life!). Like my heart breaks for her because I know that
there are little girls like her. Not just Black girls, but all little girls are
growing up with these insecurities. The thing is it is just tougher for Black
girls, because of the stereotypes, and stuff from slavery. I know that Black
men are hurting too, but they need to realize most of us are already feeling
bad about ourselves so why cheat on "Becky with the Good hair"
(Beyonce terminology). That's not even the point the point is stop fetishizing
European beauty traits and forcing Black women to have them. If we don't oh
well, still appreciate the fact that God made her. If she does then date her.
No one is saying stop dating anyone the problems is trying to force women of
color to look European and downing us because our skin is darker and our hair
is kinky coily. On the behalf of my fellow Black sisters, we really do not care
who you date just do not bash us for not having everything you want us to have.
I mean, it seems like some not all, Black men are trying to run from the
problem instead of facing it like a man. Maybe if we could strengthen each
other and our communities we would not feel like we need to date someone to
feel masculine or accepted. I am not discouraging interracial relationships. I
am just saying that we need to love for love not to feel status.
Colorism is HUGE in the Black community. Like, I cannot tell you
how many times I have heard "you're acting like a 'light-skinned' or 'dark-skinned'."
Honestly, I wonder why are we still stuck on color after all these years. I
still, hear guys say she's fine for a light-skinned girl. The only reason why
that never happened to me was because I was told by many guys I have "good
hair", which is a term I hate with a passion. I feel like people need to
stop pretending why Lil Kim got so light, because she did not feel pretty based
on the pretty privilege that comes with being of a lighter skin tone.
Black women who look like Lil Kim before the transformation remind
Black men of what they are trying to get away from. To be honest self love
ain't easy. Self love is not a quick stroll in the park then yay you are all
done and you love yourself. Everyday, when I get on social media I reminded that
I need a small waist big butt to be beautiful, light skin, full lips (something
most Black people already have), long flowing hair, and great style. It gets
overwhelming after a while, but now I have learned to love who God made me to
be. That did not get easy overnight that took years and years of practice and I
still have a long way to go. I know other women face these issues as well, but
I cannot speak for what I do not know. I only speak from my real life
experience and that just happens to be me being a Black woman. So let's not
bash Lil Kim, because honestly no matter what race you are loving yourself is
very challenging!
Social Media: How Black Men Portray Us
We all love to laugh. (Well I know I do!) Sometimes I get bored
and go on Instagram to find my favorite funny guys that dress up like Black
women. While I do laugh and even agree with some of them I cannot help, but
notice how they have stereotypical "Black girl names". They have
names like TiTi, Sasha, and Topramenisha. This reminds me of Martin
Lawerence's Shanaynay or Tyler Perry's Madea. I know that they are trying to be
funny, but our generation of social media helps widen who sees our posts. Back
in the day predominantly Black audiences were watching Martin and Jamie Foxx.
Nowadays, everyone is on social media. So when we are being "ratchet"
and "ghetto" for the vine or Instagram to get a a ton of likes we
need to remember that not everyone is Black. Some people see these videos and
believe that this is how Black women really act. I have actually had people
come up to me in real life and ask, "are you really ratchet?".
There is not wrong with making people laugh, but don't try to make
it seem as though all Black women are the same. I feel like the Black men
exaggerating how Black women behave is another form of them using us to put
spotlight on us, but still glorifying women that are socially acceptable. I
mean I love them, but we do need to stop creating more stereotypes or even
falsely justifying them on social media.
Moving Forward: My Thoughts
In the end, I will always think that interracial relationships are
really cute, and that the people who are in them must really be in love. Will I
ever be in an interracial relationship? I have my ex boyfriend from when I was
17 ( I feel so ancient lol this was the last year I actually dated someone!!!),
was Puerto Rican. So I guess the question is do I think I will be in a future
interracial relationship? Honestly, I do not know. If I do get into another
relationship it probably won't be here at TCC. I love people I am talkative so
who knows what the future holds? I believe that we need to stop with the
colorblindness. We cannot ignore color or what happens to people of color, but
we can work together to end stereotypes. I do not believe that it will be over
in one day it is a process. Not everyone will want to date outside of their
race and that is okay. Interracial relationships are awesome but do not go into
them for the wrong reasons. Loves knows no color. God created us all out of His
image and I believe that. I hope that you read this in wanting to change their
perceptions on what love is and what it is not. I hope you Black men,
compliment your Black sisters. I hope if you're not Black you talk to someone
today, you smile at them, besides what's the worse thing that could happen?
PSALMS 139
No comments:
Post a Comment