When I was a senior in high school I had this fantasy that college, was this place where would I totally find myself. I have always been an idealist. So that means that I always have these high expectations about life, and when life does not meet my expectations my feelings are really hurt.
Coming into college I somehow believed that I would have perfect grades, great friends, a boyfriend, and totally get my career. None of those things happened. I ended up changing my major, I had problems with my friends (but still love them), and I have quickly learned that crushing on someone can be a waste of time. I feel worse than Siri (lol), because at least Siri got asked on dates and someone took out the time to get to know her. So far, most college guys are just looking to have hook ups or at my college get married. I want more than just a hook up. No, I deserve more than a hook up, but I also do not want to get married at the age of 22.
So I have come up with these reasons why I give up dating in college:
1. People play with your emotions too much
There was this one guy I really liked (like my feelings were legitimate) and I really thought he liked me back. In the end he did not, but I do not know if it was me or him? Like I know I wear my heart on my sleeve and I fall for people that are nice to me. Yet, this time I felt like he was a little "too nice" for me to just think he liked me as a friend. Some of the things he did seemed odd for me to think he just liked me as a friend. Still, in the end I had to realize, no matter how much I thought he liked me, that he SAID he did not. So I had to take his word for it.
2. You think that YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG
This has only been my second year of college and I have had 4 encounters with 4 different guys. Each time I got hurt I blamed myself. I blamed myself for being violated. I blamed myself for not being good enough for the nice guy to like me. Then since I go to a Christian college I even blamed myself or judged myself by saying that I was not Proverbs 31 enough for a guy.
3. It is truly a distraction and you might just be more mature than guys
I am a deep lover and a strong crusher. When I like you, I like YOU. You are the only thing I have on my mind. So that kind of makes it hard for me to do anything. I guess I am in some ways too eager for love. I hope God calms me down. I was always crying with the majority of guys I liked. So it makes me feel better knowing that I won't spend anymore nights crying over no good guys or fantasizing about "what it could have been". As women I think that we are more mature. Like I do not play games or play hard to get. When I like someone I tell them straight up. I feel like as women we are nurturers, and we sometimes desire a connection more than guys. Some guys mature slower than others.
4. Guys barely take girls out anymore or maybe they just can't
The one thing I hate about college guys is that sometimes they either do not want to take you out on a real date, because all they seem to want is a hook up. Or they can't really take you out anyways because they do not have a car. Or they are not fun or creative and at least try to make your time together special. I come from a strict background I was not allowed to date. I do not think my mother wants me to date now either. I mean, no one likes me anyways so that made her job easier. Still, I had this fantasy as an 18 year old that I would go on my first date in college (I told you guys I am an idealist/dreamer). Yet, no guys has even had the decency to at least get to know me or even ask me out. We live in a crazy generation. I mean one guy did at least try to get to know me before rejecting me so there's that....(shout out to that one guy that makes me believe that are still some sweet guys out here!)
4. Guys barely take girls out anymore or maybe they just can't
The one thing I hate about college guys is that sometimes they either do not want to take you out on a real date, because all they seem to want is a hook up. Or they can't really take you out anyways because they do not have a car. Or they are not fun or creative and at least try to make your time together special. I come from a strict background I was not allowed to date. I do not think my mother wants me to date now either. I mean, no one likes me anyways so that made her job easier. Still, I had this fantasy as an 18 year old that I would go on my first date in college (I told you guys I am an idealist/dreamer). Yet, no guys has even had the decency to at least get to know me or even ask me out. We live in a crazy generation. I mean one guy did at least try to get to know me before rejecting me so there's that....(shout out to that one guy that makes me believe that are still some sweet guys out here!)
5. There are more people in the real world. College is not the end.
I thought that everyone either had to find their spouse in college or casual date in college. At my school people are either focused on getting married, being a great Christian single male or female, or just hooking up and pretending to be holy the next day. Sometimes I get so caught up with how judgemental people are, how boring my campus is, and how non-diverse my school is that it discourages me when it comes to thinking about dating people in the real world. I had to realize that these are just the people here. In the real world there are buttholes, but there are cool people who will accept you and think you are the most beautiful thing in the world. Forget about people who think you have to be blonde, tan, skinny, and blue eyed to be beautiful. There are actual cool people in the real world.
6. Finally, Maybe it's not God's will
I know a lot of people say this at my college but maybe I need to realize maybe the reason why I can't date is because I cannot find who God has for me here. The world is so big, and I personally hate this saying but there are like 7 billion people in the world. So maybe God does not have your soulmate here at a small liberal arts college with like 2000 people. I have always been an optimist so I find hope that there is someone out there as peculiar as me. Someone who won't mind how aggressive I am. Someone who will appreciate the fact that I care about them and can reciprocate the feeling. God probably wants me to grow as an individual more and you too so do not give up hope for after college!
Okay, so I don't want to sound super bitter so here are some optimistic insights to look forward to:
1. You have more time for things you love!
ex. Painting, cooking, dancing, writing, blogging, SHOPPING...etc
2. Think about it this way: When you get married almost EVERYTHING involves your spouse. This is your only time single and doing whatever you please.
Try to enjoy being single, because someday you won't be able to everything you did when you were single. You get more time with God. More time with gal pals. More time dancing in the rain....More time watching YOUR favorite binge watch Netflix shows. Less time sharing money with your spouse.
3. You get to learn more about yourself.
Journal, blog, self reflect, pray, seek God, and the more you do these things the more you find you.
4. You don't have to keep wondering if he/she likes you
When you are pursuing someone sometimes it can make you feel insecure. This is because you are so focused on them liking you back. When you are single the only thing that matters is self love. Practice self love so when you do get in a relationship it won't matter if they like you or not.
PSALMS 139
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